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Friday, January 27, 2006


Another day of craziness- and I need a good walk! Destructo Boy and Always Pink have been fighting all day about a Chia Pet, and Never Pink has been staring at her mother asking weird questions about drugs because of health class. She explains 'huffing inhalants' to me. She wants to know how air can destroy a brain cell. How does it get into the brain? Through the nose? Can somebody kill us in our sleep by putting an inhalant into our brains? Do the dead cells just sit there, in your brain, FOREVER?
I tell her I think they get reabsorbed by the garbage collecting cells as waste. Like germs. I have to be very careful about germs because for a year Always Pink was OCD about handwashing after she learned that we get sick from germy hands. She had to be kept away from sinks because the crazy child would scrub her hands fifty times a day, leading to raw dry patches. She then started brushing her teeth all day before kindergarten to prevent cavities. The child's whole world is one big paranoia festival.

Destructo drives her crazy because he licks rocks to make them shiny and he hates to wash his hands before dinner 'because they're gonna get messy anyway'. Destructo is decidedly anti-hygiene. (He washed his car in the toilet, and dried it with my robe.)

So BAD MOMMY took the lazy route tonight and decided to make Dinosaur Shaped Chicken Nuggets- Frozen Courtesy of Perdue. Not great, not wholesome. But for crazy momma, its the path of least resistance.
Never Pink is a vegetarian. And she tells them they are really made from dinosaur meat.
Now Always Pink is suspicious and won't eat the toxic meat critters, and hubby and I are not interested... as it is, we hardly eat meat and use soy when possible. So I wonder why we bother...
Destructo thinks Dinosaur meat is delicious. He thinks a Brontasaurus must make an awful lotta nuggets!


Anonymous mary said...

Why? Why! I often pulled my hair - why can't I have evenly balanced children? But No! Each one has to be hyper special and unique, complicating everything. We definitely don't have the perfect Stepford families, thankfully. Keeps life entertaining. Did you ever think of writing a sit-com?

Anonymous TB said...

You make the craziness of children sound appealing. I'm looking forward to it, I think.

Blogger The Fat Lady Sings said...

You have the most interesting life, my dear! Your children are fascinating, unique individuals. But then, they are like you in many ways - yes? And I agree about that sit-com - at the very least, you really should write a book about raising your kids. There are too many crappy ones out there. It would be a real treat to read one about real children written with humor and insight. You're a good writer, you know. Why not combine your love with your life?


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